The big D

and not I am not talking diet! Divorce!

Richard and I are splitting up - it is for the best and everyone will be much happier it was my choice to split but he agrees 100% - now there's one for the records us agreeing on something.

So have I decided this is a good enough reason to give up the dieting????

HELL NO!

I have decided it has given me even more reason to work even harder at losing weight - because what I figure is it will take me a year or 2 to lose all the weight that I need to lose and by that stage I will probably be ready to start thinking about dating again and if I am happy and confident in myself I am less likely to fall in with the wrong guy and I think losing weight will help my confidence.

I am shit scared about going it alone - dealing with the kids by myself and not having anyone to help with things - BUT I guess like hundreds of thousands of solo parents before me I will manage.

1 week down 2kg down

I have to say I am pretty disapointed at only losing 2kg but then I have not been exercising as much as I wanted to because I have had a cold and cough - monday is it for the aquafit and Hubby is going to lower his bike seat this weekend so weather permitting I will be able to get out bike riding.

I have obviousy slightly misinturpritated some of what the dietitian had writen for me to eat because she says I did not eat enough carbs and protien but I am pretty sure I understod her this week - she said not eating enough will not help weight loss.

I may have only lost 2kg but I seriously feel so much better with my body being rid of all the crap it is sooo used to me putting in it.

So todays weight in had me at 145kg or 319lbs so another 6kg till I am under 140kg and 20lbs till I am under 300lbs :)

it is getting easier eating right - I am looking forward to the day when it is habbit and second nature.

so who is reading this? anyone?

Day 4 and feeling great :)

I am getting used to the smaller amounts now and I am not very often hungry - really what I am eating now is more than ample :)

Still struggling with the water though!

I decided tonight as silly as it may sound to some of you that I am going to track my weight loss in both KG's AND lbs - therefore giving me more milestones - like getting under 300lbs,250lbs as well as getting under 125kg and 100kg etc just for me really so I can feel like I have achived more - yup crazy I know but I feel it will make things a bit more fun for me.

My weigh in last Thurday I was 147kg so in lbs that is 324lbs so my first goal is to get under 300lbs which is about 136kg things sound so much more impressive in lbs :) "wow I have lost 25lbs" sounds far more impressive than "Wow I have lost 11kg!"

anyway I am starting to feel excited about the prospect of weight loss.

I was going to start aquawobble tonight but I am not 100% over my cold so I will wait till next monday night (I am going to go friday mornings too but I have to take mum to a hospital apt this week).I am also getting Hubby to lower his bike seat (he rarely uses his bike) so I can start going for bike rides in the evenings and weekends esp once the weather improves. so once I combine regular decent exercise the weight should start falling off.

I am really starting to doubt if I will have lost weight this week but SURELY I won't have gained. The reason I am thinking I probably have not lost any is that I don't feel hungry and some times I even feel full on what I am eating - I guess we will see on Thursday.

I must say I am actually starting to enjoy eating healthy and I am also enjoying writing in this blog - if there is anyone out there reading this blog some feedback and/or ideas would be fantastic.

I am going to get hubby to take some before pic's of me in my togs and I will put them up once I have lost 20kg with a photo after the 20kg is gone too Then I have decided I will update them every 10kg

I started out with the goal weight of 90kg in mind but I feel now why set a limit I am just going to keep going as long as I can but 90kg is the highest I want my end weight to be.

so I have a minimum of 57kg or 125lbs (see again the lbs sounds way more impressive) to lose I would like to be 90kg by next christmas at the latest.

it is a LONG road but it is a road I am ready to go down now - more ready than I have ever been before.

day 3

short and sweet!

water !!! ug!!! what a mission!

everything else is going well

Day 2

well last night was tough! I was sooo hungry BUT I did not give in! I was most suprised to wake up this morning and not feel starving infact I did not even feel hungry.I really wish I could swap the meals around because I find the breakfast more filling than dinner.

I sooo hate drinking water , well not that I hate drinking water but to have to drink 3 - 4 litres a day I am really not fond of! yesterday I managed 3 L JUST I guess that will get easier as the weather warms up.

I remember when I was pregnant with Lexi I could never get enough water - some times I would drink a couple of litres in an hour - on average I drank 8 - 10 litres in a day back then, maybe getting pregnant will help :)

I think once I have got through the first 3 weeks it will be easier - they say it takes 3 weeks to form a habbit - so if I can do it right for the first few weeks eating right will just be a habbit.

I really wish that Vegies were cheaper - at the moment it is about $4.50 for a cabbage and the same for a lettuce I can have unlimited salad with lunch and unlimited vegies with dinner - I ate 1/4 of a cabbage last night and 1 head of brocolli I guess I will start eating less vegies(but still enough) once my stomach has shunk a bit .

I recon I will lose about 3 or 4 kg this week if I stick to it like I have - I am starting aquawobble on monday night and I will do that monday nights and friday mornings so increasing my exercise levels a ton (45 mins twice a week aquawobble and a daily walk) has to help too.

I will be thrilled if I manage to lose 3kg - more would be nice but I will be very disapointed if I have not lost atleast 3kg.

talk about obsessed

so far today I have had what I am allowed to eat - 1/2 of a cup of bran with yellow top milk,a banana and a piece of toast I keep going to the eating plan and seeing if there is anything else I have missed that I am allowed and have not yet had but no I have had everything!

I am finding myself planning lunch already - Lunch today will be 2 slices of bread with 60 grams of canned Salmon,a cup of soup and a pear but I might not eat the pear with lunch I might save it for an afternoon snack.

Tea tonight is Salmon fillet (90 grams uncooked) 1 potato(hen egg sized) and I am going to do a TON of vegies because I can have as many of them as I like and a piece of fruit - probably a manderin. Later on I will be able to have a glass of yellow top milk too.

I am really going to feel this for the first few weeks - as ashamed as I am to admit it this is probably not even 1/5th of what I normally eat and untill my stomache has shunrk it is going to be hard going.

I have got so used to eating till I am full that I now expect to feel full all the time and that really is not good.

I will probably post here alot over the next few weeks because it is a much healthier thing to do than to obsess over when the next time I am going to eat is!!!

right now it is half an hour till lunch and I am JUST starting to feel hungry so I asm feeling better than I thought I would.

Once Lexi gets up from her sleep we are off for a walk down to the park - I really am looking forward to having more energy to do more with the kids because right now even getting up and down from the floor has become a huge mission.

so that is Fridays ramble out of the way - I may post again later if not will be bac tomorrow :)

OMG was given my eating plan today!!!

I think I am going to feel starving for the next few weeks till I get used to eating alot less 90grams of meat per dinner 1(thats right 1!!!) potato and vegies that is like 1/5th of what I normally eat (yes I eat an excessive amount) it is one hell of a HUGE adjustment to make - I was unable to get weighed at my first apt because I was too heavy for their scales (they take up to 150kg) but either their scales were out OR I have lost weight because I weighed 147 today I have a LONG LONg way to go BUT I have a positive feeling and attitude this time :)

Tomorrow I see a dietician tomorrow

time to get serious!

I need to lose weight to help with TTC will be good to get some professional advice.

For all you TM ppl who still check here for messages

Just thought I would add an update - I only ever go and lurk on the boards when I have a thread pointed out to me - I could not be less interested in the msg boards - the longer I have been away from them the more I wonder what the hell was the attraction to them.I have found another parenting forum which literally only talks about kids and parenting which is fab! If anyone wants to get in contact with me they can do so either at facebook (Sarah Rowe) or MSN (ew_er@hotmail.com) or email getme@paradise.net.nz .

I am really happy with the way my life is going atm - it is often the way - out of some shitface situation things end up better than they were in the past.

Hubby and I have just had an awesome weekend away in Kaikoura - going through caves,doing walks to waterfalls with seal pups at the bottom of them and we even went on segways which was totally awesome! nice meal out , relaxing in the spa where we stayed - it was just lovely - the kids stayed with the inlaws.

Lexi is nearly 16 months old and has so far only walked 4 steps in a row and 2 or 3 steps a few times - she will get there when she is ready - she is just lazy/laid back!!! she is just beautiful!!!Theo is doing well - seems to really like his new school and goes to St Johns cadets each week and totally loves that.


so all in all I love the house we are in now, things are going really well - weightloss really needs to get restarted - I have been super slack but I do NEED to get back on track because we are not having much success TTC so losing some weight would probably help that.

1 person off TM I would really love to get hold of is Sarahg7 so if anyone has contact details for her please pass on my contact details.

:)

not exactly the way to do it

I am now down to 142kg having spent a week in hospital eating next to nothing and then a week at home not eating much .

I am really not in the right frame of mind for writing in this blog - I hate my life and every single aspect of it - I wish I could wake up and it all just be a bad dream or someones idea of a bad joke

I can't win with me!!!

I am walking Theo to and from school each day and actually really enjoying the walking - but now I am struggling with the food side of things - where last time I could not exercise but I did great with the food - I now need to combine the 2 and the weight should fall off - I know from past experience when you are this big the weight just falls off to start with.

well that is a good restart to things

have walked to and from school both today and yesterday and have actually enjoyed it . it is 10 mins each way so 40 mins a day - going from 0 mins a day it will have to make a difference.

once I have got used to doing that I will start taking longer routes to and from school .

good to be back on track and with including the exercise this time it should not take long to start getting results.

Right well that was a disaster!

with moving house and then Christmas and the school holidays I REALLY fell off the waggon - BUT as of tomorrow I am back on it - it is a whole change all round - not only are we wanting to be more healthy but we are wanting to save money so I am also looking for part time work - part time work not only will help the finances BUT it Will keep me active - get me off my big fat lazy butt!!! Theo is back at school tomorrow and it is a 15 minute walk each way so that is an hour of walking for me each week day which is wonderful.

Health issues have meant that TTC is now on hold till I know what is going on with my health so that gives me a good chance to lose some weight before starting up TTC again meaning that it may be easier to conceive once we start trying again. So things for the most part are looking up!
hopefully I don't fall off this time .